Sometimes I have to remember that I am trying to be a good person and that is all that matters. I think this is especially true when your family goes through a traumatic incident. The tools in dealing with the trauma aren’t always within arms reach so we look for whatever we can find to help us unwind and keep us from falling off the edge. Maybe just looking for a space in which to vent frustrations is all we can do to keep it all together. I’m thankful that I have a place to do this. Writing has always brought me great joy and peace of mind. In keeping this blog and speaking some of my truths, I find new ways of dealing with difficulties that I have faced at a personal level but also as an entrepreneur. It’s been hard but we get up every day and try harder. Peter goes to physio and therapy everyday. Every single day. He gets up and goes out into the world because he wants to get better. He wants to be the person he used to be and I admire that immensely. When I think of how he was just a month ago, two months ago, so out of sorts and hurt, I am so glad to see that he doing all he can to get back to that person that used to exist before his injuries. He is far from healed but he is also not that complete shell that wasn’t sure how he would go on with his life. He has bad days, truly bad days, but it doesn’t feel as hopeless. Talking about his pain in his classes and being open and honest about how he is doing is part of getting better and part of the therapeutic process. And I think that for those who witness these things, such as a family member, it is important to be honest and talk about the difficulties as well. Because there is no shame is saying that it is a hard thing to witness pain and suffering in a loved one. And there is no shame in saying that being a witness and support system to someone who has faced great difficulties - both mental and physical - comes with a whole collection of additional reactionary coping mechanisms. I am a good person. I am doing good things in the world and doing my best. I am so glad that I have a space in which to express myself and my truth. It’s more than what other people have. So for all you out there who struggle or who are also dealing with a family member who is suffering, know that you are doing your best. Just because you don’t have the tools you need everyday (sometimes the tools are closer and other times they feel like they are other side of the mountain side, swallowed by an empty pit, and impossible to reach) it doesn’t mean that you are failing in any way. We aren’t perfect machines programmed to react a specific way to traumatic incidents and behaviors. We just cope and find ways of coping. We have good days and bad days. And that’s okay.
And when things get really hard, just take a deep breath and have a glass of wine :) It’s okay! It is okay to be human. In another universe, I am a Blade Runner android with kickass body parts but in this universe, I am just a girl writing on her blog, trying to help her brother who has gone through great difficulties, and trying her best to keep it all together on any given day. Oh, and run a business. That too :) I guess I try to do that. Stay safe out there. Chat soon!